In Memory of High School
Last day of high school. The feeling that was lost in the passage of time came back to haunt me. The feeling I had the day before I left China. The mixed feeling of uncertainty and hope.
I can't help but looking back, though history is not my favorite subject. First day of school, I came late and, in my thick Chinese accent, I said: "I'm sorry. I'm late." I was young and shy, embarrassed and lost, not knowing what to do until the teacher beckoned to me to be sitted. Tom was kind enough to remind me of that moment no less that twice every month since.
First time in computer class, i was sitting beside Brittany. Being new and confused, I started surfing on Chinese websites right under the nose of Mr. Shabbits, but I guess he pretended he didn't notice. First day in drama class with Kumaran who was (still is) a skinny black guy with quite a talent (more physically than anything else) at acting like a monkey.
First time in English class, Teacher made me read. I stammered at every word, quite an experience for a new frightened immigrant. But I knew from that day on, I could make it through as long as I started on the first word, as long as I took the first step, as long as I've had my "first time"s. Then first time in cafe, first time on a canadian bus, first time in Gym, first time... and my high school life goes on... until... now
Life is an amazing thing. During these almost 4 years, it were at times tough at times easy. As life is sometimes exciting, life is at times dull. However it was, it was...just life! It goes on. I lived through it and this is it. Today, high school is over. Those days were long, but years were short. Seems just like yesterday, I landed on the land of maple leaf filled with teenage fantasy and childish uncertainties.
I made a choice of leaving again, leaving the city of Saskatoon, just as I made the choice of leaving China. A choice is simply choice, you may have thousands pages of mathematical proof that this is the one choice that's the best, your making of one choice still means you are going to miss the other choices. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both."
During the week I left before China, I took a walk alone everyday at night. Solitude and silence gave me more of a feeling and understanding. Solitude and silence made me thinking, thinking that Im leaving behind everything that I have just begun to know, Im leaving behind everybody that I have just begun to understand. There is nothing crueler than seeing people everyday in your life but you know you will probably never see them ever again. I think I'll be doing this same thing again, history likes to repeat itself.
Humans are the only species that shed tears because of emotional distress. Maybe we are meant to shed tears for these emotions-- some almost undetectable unexplainable "feeling" that we all know that's within us but words don't quite describe. I'm not this time because I already did last time. After all it's simply a decision, another first step Im taking in my life. I know I'll be able to go on, though I know "how way leads to way" and "I doubt if I should ever come back".
A new and independent yet unpredictable life lies in front me. but life is exciting in its unpredictability. Who wants to live a life that's planned out to its end? Im looking forward to challenge the uncertain tomorrows. Im looking forward to tomorrow's Sun knowing it will be a new day. However it will be, may God be my witness and Time be my judge, some memories will never be forgotten. High school will never be forgotten.
(I think this is quite a stream of consciousness. but bear with my random thinking and writing. who says math students have good logic?)
I can't help but looking back, though history is not my favorite subject. First day of school, I came late and, in my thick Chinese accent, I said: "I'm sorry. I'm late." I was young and shy, embarrassed and lost, not knowing what to do until the teacher beckoned to me to be sitted. Tom was kind enough to remind me of that moment no less that twice every month since.
First time in computer class, i was sitting beside Brittany. Being new and confused, I started surfing on Chinese websites right under the nose of Mr. Shabbits, but I guess he pretended he didn't notice. First day in drama class with Kumaran who was (still is) a skinny black guy with quite a talent (more physically than anything else) at acting like a monkey.
First time in English class, Teacher made me read. I stammered at every word, quite an experience for a new frightened immigrant. But I knew from that day on, I could make it through as long as I started on the first word, as long as I took the first step, as long as I've had my "first time"s. Then first time in cafe, first time on a canadian bus, first time in Gym, first time... and my high school life goes on... until... now
Life is an amazing thing. During these almost 4 years, it were at times tough at times easy. As life is sometimes exciting, life is at times dull. However it was, it was...just life! It goes on. I lived through it and this is it. Today, high school is over. Those days were long, but years were short. Seems just like yesterday, I landed on the land of maple leaf filled with teenage fantasy and childish uncertainties.
I made a choice of leaving again, leaving the city of Saskatoon, just as I made the choice of leaving China. A choice is simply choice, you may have thousands pages of mathematical proof that this is the one choice that's the best, your making of one choice still means you are going to miss the other choices. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both."
During the week I left before China, I took a walk alone everyday at night. Solitude and silence gave me more of a feeling and understanding. Solitude and silence made me thinking, thinking that Im leaving behind everything that I have just begun to know, Im leaving behind everybody that I have just begun to understand. There is nothing crueler than seeing people everyday in your life but you know you will probably never see them ever again. I think I'll be doing this same thing again, history likes to repeat itself.
Humans are the only species that shed tears because of emotional distress. Maybe we are meant to shed tears for these emotions-- some almost undetectable unexplainable "feeling" that we all know that's within us but words don't quite describe. I'm not this time because I already did last time. After all it's simply a decision, another first step Im taking in my life. I know I'll be able to go on, though I know "how way leads to way" and "I doubt if I should ever come back".
A new and independent yet unpredictable life lies in front me. but life is exciting in its unpredictability. Who wants to live a life that's planned out to its end? Im looking forward to challenge the uncertain tomorrows. Im looking forward to tomorrow's Sun knowing it will be a new day. However it will be, may God be my witness and Time be my judge, some memories will never be forgotten. High school will never be forgotten.
(I think this is quite a stream of consciousness. but bear with my random thinking and writing. who says math students have good logic?)
posted by Yunjun at 12:35 AM
5 Comments:
Oh, trust me, math students don't.
Good post though. I feel much the same way as you, but it's probably different for me, since I'm not leaving Saskatoon.
That was one of the best posts, if not just, anything, I've read in a long while. Man, I'm going to miss you. Like dino, I'm probably feeling the same way, just, we're watching you leave. We're not going to forget you, I won't at least. Keep in touch man. Don't ever fade out of existence.
Good post, a good mix of english cliches with not-so-english writing. I'll see you sometime on the eastern side. We can like party it up at McGill. This reminds me that I need to get back to my own blog and make some sort of leaving post.
It'll be a shame to not see you everyday man, poon then at Waterloo.
First day in drama class with Kumaran who was (still is) a skinny black guy with quite a talent (more physically than anything else) at acting like a monkey.
If there's nothing else you take away from high school, take away that.
I give you my blessings in your journeys ahead. Whatever that means. :)
Great post, but old! I want to see more!!!
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